My child wants to quit their instrument: what should I do?

First: don't decide in the heat of the moment

Almost every child learning an instrument says at some point that they want to quit. It often happens when the novelty of the first few months wears off, when the pieces become more demanding, or during the preteen and teen years, when interests and free time change. A study of young people ages 10 to 17 found that about half had stopped taking lessons or participating in other musical activities by age 17, especially between ages 15 and 17.

First, separate a passing moment from a pattern. Suggest a simple agreement: “Let's keep going until the end of the month (or the recital), and talk about it in the meantime.” Then find a calm moment away from the instrument to talk. Some helpful questions:

1. What do you like least about lessons or practicing?
2. Is there anything you do like, even just one song or part of a lesson?
3. If you could play any song, which would you choose?
4. Do you want to stop playing this instrument or stop making music altogether?
5. How do you feel about your teacher?

Listen without defending the lessons or reminding your child how much they've cost. Right now, you're looking for information.

Common causes and what to try in each case

If your child also mentions pain in their hands, back or neck, don't ignore it: posture or instrument size may be an issue, and you need to review it with the teacher.

Make a change before giving it all up

The repertoire

This is the simplest change and often the most effective. A song your child chooses can rekindle their enthusiasm within a few weeks. On piano, it might be music from their favorite film; on guitar, a song everyone is listening to; on violin, a video game theme or a bambuco they heard at school.

The teacher

Not every teacher connects with every child. Switching isn't disloyal: it's about finding the right person. Before deciding, a trial lesson lets you see how another teacher relates to your child, and the teacher directory lets you browse options by instrument.

The lesson format

Sometimes the problem is logistics rather than music: the lesson is at a bad time, the journey is tiring or learning through a screen isn't working. Switching from online to in-home lessons (or vice versa), or from one-to-one lessons to a small group with a friend or sibling, can change everything.

The instrument

If their interest in music is still alive but the instrument doesn't appeal to them, switching makes sense. Their ear-training, reading and rhythm skills won't disappear. This guide to choosing an instrument for your child helps you think through the next step.

A break is an option too

Between carrying on as before and stopping altogether, there's a middle ground: a break with a date to revisit things. For example, pause during exams or the midyear school break, then agree on a specific date to talk again.

• Keep the instrument visible and available, with no obligation to play it.
• Keep music in your lives: concerts, shared playlists and playing for fun.
• Agree with the teacher on how to resume, so returning doesn't mean starting from scratch.

Some children return with more enthusiasm after a break, precisely because music has stopped feeling like an obligation. And if they do not return, the decision can be made more calmly and with more information.

When stopping really is the better choice

There's a limit to how much you should insist. These signs suggest that stopping may be the right decision:

• The lack of interest lasts for months, even after changing the repertoire, teacher or lesson format.
• Lessons cause ongoing distress: crying before every session, discomfort or fear.
• They've discovered another activity they enthusiastically commit to.
• You realize that wanting them to continue is more your wish than theirs.

If you decide to stop, bring things to a thoughtful close: finish the current stage (the month, the recital or one last piece), celebrate what your child has learned and leave the door open. Many adults return to music years later, and that's much easier when the memories are good.

What to avoid saying or doing

• Reminding your child how much it has cost: “After everything we've invested…” only adds guilt.
• Comparing them with siblings, cousins or classmates who are still playing.
• Threatening punishment if they stop, or using practice as punishment.
• Deciding without consulting the teacher or listening to your child.
• Letting them quit at the first setback every time. Learning to work through a difficult stage is part of the process too.

The balance lies between not giving up at the first “I don't want to” and not forcing your child to continue something that no longer benefits them. If daily practice is the sticking point, see these ideas for motivating your child to practice.

Frequently asked questions